Written by Death is a taboo subject in many cultures, so much so that some choose not to discuss any aspect until it happens. Death is a 100% guarantee for all of us at some point in life, yet according to a 2022 article in Statisa, in 2018, less than 6% of the people polled in a survey made any arrangements. This is not an article about pre-planning burials; it is just an example to point out that many people do not desire to address that one thing that all of us will be subjected to at some time. It stands to reason that people do not want to think about death.
The main reason is that it is the end of a person’s existence as they know it. Another is that the fear of death ranks number one on the list of fears. Public speaking is number two. Whether it is thanatophobia (fear of death) or glossophobia (fear of public speaking), both acquaint with a healthy fear of the unknown. According to a VeryWell Mind article from March 31, 2023, the fear of the unknown is another major reason death is scary, and that fear may hold the secret as to why people do not want to discuss the authentic aspect of it. Whatever the reason, the grief associated with death can incapacitate a person worse than the fear of actually dying.
Grief associated with a loved one dying can cripple many people. Ph.D. psychologist Guy Winch highlighted five challenges that people with death-related grief experience. He discussed the following:
- Paralyzing Emotional Pain
- Adjusting to Changes in Our Daily Lives
- Reformulating Identity
- Reconstructing Relationships
- Adjusting Belief Systems
Each aspect can account for reasons people choose not to consider the inevitable. We do not want to think about going through any of these issues. Unfortunately, these aspects are attached to the grief of loss, and avoiding discussing the real-life matter of dying only brings these aspects to the forefront. Talking about death can help people address the emotions that come with experiencing the end of a loved one, and knowing what a person will be facing helps when they inevitably share a conversation about the death of someone they love.
This is where one must choose to empower themselves from the loss experience. One cannot stop the death of loved ones from happening, but one can learn valuable lessons from the loss experience. Learning about self and mastering what they used to rely on the deceased for are a part of that learning. Also, exploring the self is another byproduct of experiencing loss. It is never good to go through the loss of someone you loved or cared deeply for, but losing yourself in the process or choosing to ignore the pain of the loss is counterproductive.
Finding a better version of yourself in the loss is more important than lamenting over the loss. The conversations we have with ourselves and others about the experience will help to provide strength and allow us to navigate to a better sense of self. The choice to discuss the one thing that will befall us all also frees us from the constraints that hold us down from the experiences of loss.
There is a period that one must grieve over the loss of someone special. There is no time limit. The grieving period is probably lifelong. Because of the love felt, the feeling will never die. What one chooses to do with that energy determines whether one will be a victim of the loss or use it as an opportunity to grow and honor the person they lost. The sadness one feels can become a launch pad and can also be a point of strength, given perspective on the matter.
Giving yourself a choice to discuss the loss or potential for loss loosens the grip and abates the associated fear. As Winch’s article points out, there are challenges to loss and grief. One cannot go back and change what has happened, so the only other option is to move through the loss. Discussions about loss and death help the process of moving through the experience. Using the loss as a reminder of your existence is pivotal to understanding that one must use the remaining time to become a better version of themselves, which is crucial to moving through the loss.
Knowing that a person has only one life should give the incentive to live it to the fullest, and the conversations about life, death, and meaning are critical to understanding how precious it is. To not talk about what will happen means that you are not thinking about the time that should be used to find destiny. Many choose to let life happen, and consequently, they pass without fulfilling or accomplishing what they should have.
Zig Ziglar has a famous quote that talks about this. He said, “Don’t become a wandering generality. Be a meaningful specific.” The graveyard is filled with many people who died as wandering generalities. The choice to let life live them may have come from their option not to discuss the inevitable and, therefore, live to exist simply.
I am not saying we should constantly live a “Death around the corner” (Shakur) mentality, but we should not be afraid to have a conversation that will be had about all of us at some time. The fear of death is genuine. The truth about having conversations about death can help to mitigate those fears and, at the same time, act as fuel to remind us that we must live life to the best of our abilities. Doing that could be the difference between Ziglar’s quote and the legacy one leaves behind.
The choice to not broach the topic at all will not prevent it from happening. It only means that fear of the occurrence meant more than living. The option to existing overtook the opportunities to extend the dash between the birth and death date on one’s tombstone. Death is an unfortunate byproduct of life, and since people only get one, a conversation about what will happen to all of us should be a spark plug that jumpstarts the thoughts of living it to one’s full potential.
Bibliography
Kunst, Alexander. “Share of Americans Who Used a Funeral Pre-planning Service 2018, by Age.” Statista, 28 Jun. 2022, www.statista.com/statistics/228117/people-in-households-with-a-funeral-pre-planning-service-usa/. Accessed 27 May 2023.
Johnson, Ros, and Neil Johnson. “How to Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking.” British Council, 10 Oct. 2016, www.britishcouncil.org/voices-magazine/how-overcome-fear-public-speaking#:~:text=The%20fear%20of%20public%20speaking%20is%20known%20as%20glossophobia. Accessed 27 May 2023.
Morrow, Angela, and Steven Gans MD. “6 Reasons Why Death Is Scary.” VeryWell Mind, 31 Mar. 2023, www.verywellmind.com/scared-to-death-of-death-1132501. Accessed 27 May 2023.
Winch, Guy PH.D. “The 5 Psychological Challenges of Loss and Grief.” Psychology Today, 1 Apr. 2014, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201404/the-5-psychological-challenges-loss-and-grief. Accessed 27 May 2023.
Ziglar, Z. (n.d.). Don’t become a wandering generality. Be a meaningful specific.” ― Zig Ziglar. Good Reads. Retrieved May 28, 2023, from https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/289212-don-t-become-a-wandering-generality-be-a-meaningful-specific
Shakur, T., “Death Around The Corner” All Eyes on Me. Interscope. 1993. https://genius.com/2pac-death-around-the-corner-lyrics