Written by People dealing with grief accept the most unusual state. It is the state of perpetual unhappiness. Many have reconciled that their lives are in disarray, and instead of fighting for change, they choose to live in it. The old saying is, “The devil that you know is better than the devil you don’t.” The problem with that philosophy is that one accepts all the negativity that befalls them.
They have led themselves to believe that they deserve to be in that condition and that there is nothing they can do about it, so agreeing to be miserable is best. We see it in unhappy and unhealthy relationships all the time. In America, divorce is as high as 50%. People with financial woes and those living in oppressed circumstances have allowed their minds to convince them that the situation of happy unhappiness is where they should be. Since 2019, many American states have seen their homeless rates escalate. For example, states like Delaware and Louisiana have doubled their rates.
The constant blockades, combined with their thwarted efforts, only help some philosophies. It just reiterates the belief. Life is hard. Many have regulated to the feelings that difficulties mean they are fighting battles that amount in their minds to unwinnable wars. This mindset is attributed to the daily grind, the emotions no one cares about, and the self-induced suffering. Sometimes, not feeling worthy of better makes one think survival is the only option.
Sleep, misery, and illicit actions are their only escape. Although these escapes are temporary, that is all some grievers feel they deserve. These actions allow the grief minions of depression, low self-esteem, and feelings of unworthiness to propagate the mind, take residence, and become long-term guests. Some have resisted the alternative to fighting, and others feel that they have been fighting a losing battle for so long that raising the white flag of surrender is their only option. They hope that doing this will mitigate the pain.
It is why so many worldwide see suicide as a natural alternative. Some do not consider it a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Only know the pain and believe ending their lives is the one way to stop it. I understand the philosophy, but I am way too scared to act on it and feel that I would be robbing the ones I love and who love me the opportunity of my presence, even though, at times, that presence is of feeling downed and broken.
To continue to fight until the last breath is a much better option than the alternative because if you die, at least you went out fighting. The best way to fight grief is to stay fighting. It is essential to reach out for support and ask for help. Do not feel embarrassed by asking. There are programs, people, and places that will offer guidance and support.
One must make the first move to seek help and needs to understand that part of the fight is sometimes having doors close on you when you reach out. It does not mean to stop fighting or stop searching. It means that you must look for another entry. No one is coming to rescue you, but help is out there when you reach for it.
Also, the truth is that every day you continue to struggle, it is one more chance to turn things around. Doing that gives you hope. Hanging on to hope is the problematic part. It is easy to see a dream or a vision, and it is tough to manifest that dream into reality. This is the problem that many people in grief face. The battle is always between their desires for better and the truths they see in front of them.
The struggle and battles also become tools for strength, oddly. Because one has chosen to continue to fight, you have deposited more nuggets of wisdom, knowledge, and power from the battle you survived that day. Telling yourself so is equivalent to shifting your mindset. Affirming yourself seems stupid, but it is one of the best fighting methods. You must muster your will and allow it to override your thoughts and the realities you see before you. It is one of the only instruments you have. One must hang on to hope.
Hope first is not a strategy. During your fight, you must incorporate hope as you continue fighting on. Facing uphill battles makes grievers tired, anxious, and feel defeated. The armor of life feels heavy, and they no longer feel they have the strength to grab their weapons and return to the battlefield.
The alternative is to stay in place. Again, although temporary, stagnation is a place of safety for some. They have agreed that the mentality of lack is suitable and equivalent to survival. Some believe they are only fit to survive and get up to see another day, which justifies their thinking. It is horrible because the feelings they have match up with their surroundings. That makes it hard to recreate their world. Humans tend to believe what we see, and only a few people understand that they can make their dreams come true.
Again, I understand the thought but refuse to believe I deserve life’s scraps. Wanting a seat at the table often heightens the monster of grief. When one feels they do not belong in inferior positions but sees that as their present reality, the pain and pressure that grief applies is disheartening. Here is where hanging on to hope becomes a virtue. Once you have agreed to go back into the fight, the skills you have acquired from the falls you have taken become lessons to one who changes their perspective about it.
There is no reason to find happiness in being unhappy. Doing so has amounted to deciding based on your choice not to fight. The actions of progression or stagnation result from the initial choices that have become decisions. The consequences of those actions can be the state of happiness or unhappiness.
Relegating to the opinion of deserving to be unhappy is what grief has been doing to you for too long. Know that you do not deserve to feel that way and the voices of grief telling you it is your only choice is wrong. They intend to keep you bogged down, stagnant, and uncomfortable.
Use the tools that the grief has afforded you. Grief has yet to learn that it has given you weapons to fight it. Realize you can fight each day you are alive, and each day you choose to fight gives you more ammunition to fight against it. The energy of grief is powerful, but your will is stronger than the power grief thinks it is holding over you.
You must believe that you do not deserve to be happy in your unhappiness because it is not a place where your better will be found. Staying in the fight, looking for assistance, and believing are tools you must use to obtain true happiness. It is yours for the taking. It would be best if you reached out and firmly grasped it.