Written by There is absolutely nothing wrong with planning for what you desire your life to be like. Understand that life comes with twists and turns, so your plans must involve adjustments. A major cause of grief occurs when life’s turbulence interrupts people’s plans. Some will renavigate and readjust their sails to accommodate change, and others will attempt to fit square pegs into round holes. The latter are usually the ones that face disappointment. That disappointment soon morphs into stagnation.
As one walks through one’s life journey, it will often create obstacles that may appear as impediments. The basketball great Michael Jordan said, “Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb, go through, or work around it.” How you see adjusting is a matter of perspective. The perspective will determine whether you move forward or stay in place. Creating a plan that has room for adjustment is practical. This way, it is not a deviation from your goal, but instead, it is another way to pursue that goal. Keep in mind that a strategic retreat is not a defeat. It is simply an opportunity to regather your forces and fight differently. George Washington’s retreat from British forces in 1776 is a classic example. Although defeated by the British in that battle, Washington ultimately won the war for our nation’s independence. By ferrying his forces back to the isle of Manhattan, he was able to regather his troops and fight another day. (Andrews)
Although life can be equivalent to military strategy, this article is not a deep dive into Washington, his tactics, or the glorification of retreat. It is simply about realizing that plans may have to change when one navigates through the nuances of life. Some make the mistake of taking a Davy Crockett approach and fighting against all odds, even ones that surely will end in defeat. This approach to life can quickly become a defeatist point of view, making giving up justifiable in the minds of those who do.
There is a philosophy that exists in the Western Hemisphere. That thought relates to getting in right. Not to pick on the West because these ideologies permeate the world. Feelings of Imposter Syndrome, which can lead to declines in behavior and performance, enhance the philosophy. Imposter Syndrome is a psychological concept that some believe that they are inadequate, no matter how they perform. Combining that with our “get it right or your wrong mind state” makes some feel that pivoting from their original plan amounts to defeat.
Some of the names related to Imposter Syndrome, for example, maybe a slight reason why people feel that strategic retreat is defeat instead of believing it amounts to living to fight another day. Terms like “The perfectionist,” “Expert,” “Natural Genius,” or “Superman/Woman” seem to personify our beliefs on how we should achieve. This thought process does not leave much room for error.
Consequently, some choose to set their personal achievement bar so low that it takes little effort to meet meager goals. It also may be why some feel that menial job functions or tasks are all they are good at doing. Adding in the additional element of an event that totally changes their world, wrenches their heart, or takes away something precious brings that already low spirit down even further. It takes real mental strength to get back up from some experiences. That is why using the circumstances to empower one becomes vital. The negative energy-crushing one, like two tons of concrete being poured onto the body, can place a person in an awful place. The plans that they had are ruined in their thoughts. It takes a strong mind and will to realize they can readjust their strategies and recreate something from their previous memories.
Therefore, many choose to give up and remain stagnant. On the other hand, some fight back and build themselves into a better version of themselves. Chris Gardner comes to mind. He is the man Will Smith played in Pursuit of Happiness. Gardner endured being left by his wife to become a single father, being homeless with his son, penniless, and failing repeatedly, to becoming a millionaire stockbroker and philanthropist. Shattered dreams and hopes can do one of two things to a person. The experiences will either break one or give them a new reason to live. As Robert Frost points out in his poem A Servant to Servants, “The only way out is through.”
It can be scary enough to see one’s thoughts of the life they dreamed dissipate right before their eyes. Their hopes shattered and ideas ablaze and transformed into ashes. That is the feeling that some have when confronted with an anomaly that changes the path they believed they were on. Without understanding the need for adjustment, that feeling can become the point of stagnation discussed. A study performed on mice at the University of Washington shows that the brain’s activity is stifled by nociception. This complex molecule suppresses dopamine, a chemical primarily associated with motivation. (Nodell) Our brains are indeed cut off from the chemicals that can spark motivation. It takes the power of will to reignite motivation and not allow circumstance to pull one further into an abyss of darkness. The feeling of lack of reward is felt by the person undergoing such experiences. In a study written by Psychologist Todd Braver and his fellows, they discuss the reward factor that is a crucial driver of motivation. (Braver, Todd S et al.)
The person enduring the circumstance may feel robbed of said rewards and, as a result, shut down. It is typically seen in life and catered to by the world through sympathy for inaction or leading a person to believe that their goals were too lofty and, therefore, impossible to obtain, but it was great that they attempted. These unfortunate pacifications lead to some never trying again, never altering plans, and simply settling for their circumstance, believing their failed attempts or unfortunate dilemmas to be fact. Some use them as an excuse to justify not attempting again or adjusting their attack plan.
Other people will find strength in the hardship and let it become their reason to try again, repivot, and adjust their plans to fit the new scenario. Dr. Mesmin Destin, a Ph.D. psychologist at Northwestern, studies the drive of disadvantaged youth who push for success despite their circumstances. As stated earlier, challenges and the need to adjust will create one of two actions.
Those who choose to stop will see their nightmares of regret come to fruition and have the science to justify their inactions. People who decide to reignite their motivation, pivot, readjust strategy, and look to believe (belief is a must) that they can climb out of the abyss and push back against the concrete create the opportunity to find a better version of themselves. Science aside, it comes down to what one is willing or unwilling to do. Everyone has a choice. Some choose justification, while others choose possibilities.