Written by Why Take a Shot?
Every step that a single father takes along his journey is a shot. It is a stab in the dark that’s full of possible landmines. Even the ones that appear to be guaranteed may come with a caveat. Nothing in life is guaranteed, especially guarantees. When a major NBA player releases a basketball for a shot, although he usually hits it, there is no guarantee of success.
Michael Jordan talked about being trusted to make the game-winning shot on several occasions. He missed 26 times. Even the most clutch people do not have guaranteed success. This does not mean to stop attempting. The desire to take a shot beats a guarantee of never attempting any day.
While navigating your single fathering journey, there will be times when you must take a shot and see where you go. You do not have to be an NBA legend to have the mentality of desire. Some believe that not going for it is the safest play. On occasions, that is true, but living with that ideology means you will never see the opportunity.
I have heard and said this on many occasions. It is better to have a 50% shot at success than a 100% guarantee of failure because you never tried. Single fathering means doing things that are not within the realm of normalcy or tradition. Your situation is different from others, and the safety may work to their advantage, but may not be to your benefit.
Single Fathers Do Not Have the Luxury
The single fatherhood experience is unlike any other form of parenting. It is comparable to single mothering, but it still has an array of differences. Single fathers must learn some aspects that are innate in single mothers, through biology and generational experience.
• Nurturing children (becoming both a caregiver and a protector)
• Learning to navigate both household and work duties (managing dualities)
• Organizing life outside of self (navigating children’s lives in addition to own)
This is not different from what single mothers must do. Frankly, they are a lot better at doing it than men are. Men tend to think on a singular plane, while women incorporate everyone into their daily experiences. It becomes a skill set that men must become comfortable with learning. Putting down male experiences to address family circumstances is a must. Going out to the bar with the boys is replaced by activities with the children.
The manhood experience must change. Single fathers’ mentalities must also change to fit it. There are ways to achieve both experiences. Single fathers faced with the nuance of change must embrace the experience. Here is where the 50% rule comes into play.
You may find a group of like-minded individuals who share similar experiences, and there may be opportunities to engage with them. You’ll need to do a few things to recognize these opportunities. Shifting your mind to see them as opportunities creates the entranceway to them becoming opportunities.
• Do not compare old activities to new experiences.
• Do not believe you are missing out on past experiences.
• Learning from experiences is crucial to creating them.
When you adjust your mind to see possibilities, the chances of enjoying the experience increase. It begins by taking the shot to attempt it. Release your old mentality so that you allow yourself to embrace new ones. When opportunities to do what you want come, they are treats. You reward the brain with familiar fun activities that you used to experience.
The brain remembers this and will boost the encouragement of your replaced activities for an opportunity to have the “reward” experience again. Let your brain work with you to create new neural pathways to allow you to indulge in new experiences. You are now embracing them. You are not missing the old experiences. You are allowing them to become “treats” instead of recurring “comforts.”
Letting go of the past does not mean forgetting it. It allows you to appreciate it more. When you experience it again, you have that much more fun. It never would have happened if you had not taken the shot. You will witness a win/win by falling in love with your new activity and having the chance to do older experiences.
50% Means That Everyone Wins
You have decided to take a shot to give yourself the opportunity to create a new experience. The consequence (And it’s a great one) is that you are discovering ways to incorporate your family into what used to be a singular-minded thought process. Perhaps your new group creates activities that can be enjoyed with their kids, and now the kids are included.
This gives everyone in your family the opportunity to embrace new experiences, meet new people, and spend quality time with you.
That time culminates in personal family memories. It starts by releasing the ball and seeing where it goes. There is no guarantee that the group you find will work out. You may need to continue your search, but that is the best part.
Do not fall back into old patterns because that excludes the children in some situations. Speak with the kids and find out what they liked and did not like about the new group you were attempting to connect with. From there, search for other groups that may provide something that everyone enjoys. For example, if you gravitated to an intramural family football activity, but one of your children does not like football, look for other activities that your household would enjoy.
This Is Why A 50% Shot is a Beneficial Opportunity
Giving yourself options is more of a benefit than pigeon-holding yourself. Having limited options creates the feeling of being trapped by circumstance. When you open yourself and your family to new opportunities, you develop a pathway that becomes an adventure. Adventure is always more exciting than predictability. Coming out of your comfort zone for you and your children’s sake gives you a chance to discover something new. An experience you would have never created if you did not give yourself the opportunity.
Single fathers, you must create the rules as you go. Everything will not be a pre-laden road to travel. There will be times when you must navigate off the beaten path. Doing so is a form of growth. Even an experience that you did not like is an experience to learn from. Shifting your mind and thoughts to see experiences as chances to grow allows growth to happen.
Just because you tried does not mean you’ll enjoy the attempt. That should not prevent you from trying again. If a basketball player stops shooting because they missed, that does not improve their stats. Learn to educate yourself through experiences and use them to build the experiences you desire. Educating yourself on the value of experiences increases your odds of success.