Written by Have you ever attempted to let something go, but your mind will constantly remind you of the incident and often show consequences as justifications for not detaching yourself? This is an everyday human occurrence, and the continued attachment can cause prolonged stress and even physical illness. An article on verywellmind.com discussed why people feel they can’t let go. Feelings of anger, hurt, resentment toward the offender, and feelings of injustice plague those who stay attached. Recently, I listened to an audiobook, Letting Go, The Pathway to Surrender, by Dr. David R. Haskins, Ph.D. In the 9th chapter, titled, “The Relationship of Consciousness to Stress and Disease,” Dr. Haskins talks about prolonged stress’s effects on the body and mind. He discussed diseases like Cancer and Diabetes as being more related to stress and negative attachments than heredity or nutrition.
This is nothing new. Researchers have written articles, produced case studies, and have peppered scientific journals with the subject for years. Yet people still stay tied to the belief that constantly keeping themselves attached to challenges is the only way to view realities. I am not saying that the realities of challenge are to be ignored. I am saying that because we choose not to let the hurt of the grief go, it consequentially can aid in mental, physical, and emotional problems. The result can be dangerous situations like self-induced medication or even ideations of self-harm or suicide.
Making the active decision to let go of something one has little to no control over empowers people. Concentrating energy in a different direction will deplete the energy of the thought. As motivational guru Tony Robbins says, “Where focus goes, energy flows.” If this is the case, why do so many people stay focused on the things they cannot change instead of addressing the possibilities that can arise from shifting perspectives?
Alternatively, seeing unchangeable events as impediments and reasons to stay in disarray can block opportunities for knowledge and growth. Learning lessons from the event transforms a challenge into a benefit for humanity. For example, Nancy Brinker lost her sister in 1982 to breast cancer. She thought about that loss for a long time. In 1984, she started a foundation in her sister’s honor called the Susan G. Komen Foundation for the Cure. Brinker is an example of a person who chose to use the hardship she lived with to become her catalyst for creating change. She understood that constantly dwelling on the matter without acting would only keep her in continuous hurt. Her option was to transform her pain into purpose.
Some choose to allow the hurt to constantly come back like a boomerang effect and decide not to catch the boomerang but instead let it hit them in the head. Speaking from experience, it took years to catch the boomerang finally. Realizing the experiences of grief endured will not magically go away and just wishing becomes a harrowing feeling, where rethinking disposition was the only valid option. Actively using the negative energy allows one to grow from the event. This is a complex philosophy to adopt.
It means often rejecting years of belief that living with the pain, being negative, and submitting to the pressures of life, as usual, must change. Instead of wallowing in hurt, people can shift their mental perspective and let those emotions catalyze growth.
It does take a strong will and self-agreement to understand that loss can have value. The loss itself is not the value. Lessons learned from the loss create value. Seeing the loss in this way does a few things to a person. One is that it allows them to channel the pain and transform it into “fuel. “ It is beneficial to take the negative energy from the grief-related experience and use it to move forward. An article about James “Buster” Douglas’ knockout of “Iron” Mike Tyson shows how the transference and transformation of negative energy can produce positive results.
Douglas lost his mother twenty-three days before the fight, and according to him, his mother said, while on her deathbed, that he was going to knock out Mike. It was an eerie and accurate prediction. In that same timeframe, Douglas’ son’s mother was battling Cervical Cancer, and he had also just gone through a nasty divorce with his then-wife. All this on top of the fact that Vegas odds makers had him at a 42-1 underdog versus Tyson. This series of circumstances gave Douglas the edge he needed to knock out Tyson in the tenth round. Another seemingly phenomenal display of ability was Brett Favre in his 2003 Monday night game against the Oakland Raiders. Twenty-four hours after his father died of a heart attack, Favre went out on the field, and his team destroyed the Raiders 42-7. In the first half of that game alone, Favre had 311 passing yards.
The singer, actress, and TV host Jennifer Hudson (of American Idol fame) had a horrible experience that came from the murders of her mother, brother, and nephew at the hands of her former brother-in-law. One year later, she won her first Grammy award. Hudson is now an EGOT recipient. These are just a few examples of people who caught the Boomerang of their grief with equal energy and hurled it back in a decision to let it go. Doing so transformed the negative energies and allowed them to perform magnificent feet out of those hardships.
Another thing that happens is that it provides insight and empowers one to find ways to fight against the loss. Some grievers know they cannot change the past of their loss, but they can help to reduce the pain that others may suffer. Rosie Swale-Pope is one person. She ran around the world, collecting money for prostate cancer awareness because of her husband’s death from the disease. She was 70 years old at the time. Nancy Brinker, as mentioned earlier, turned the loss of her sister from Breast Cancer into one of the largest non-profit organizations in America. The Susan G. Komen Foundation for the Cure has since helped thousands of people and their families battle Breast Cancer.
These people and others caught the boomerang of their grief. It became their answer to fighting the grief they were going through. Either way one goes, there will be pain, but as a motivational speaker, Eric Thomas, says, “You might as well get something out of the pain.” It takes time to adjust and come to that reality, but the boomerang arc can be the time needed to decide.
Catching the boomerang instead of letting it hit them transformed their pain into purpose. Some may perhaps feel that the boomerang of the pain will not come back. Unfortunately, the way boomerangs are made, the return is almost inevitable. Letting the emotions of grief control and move a person in any direction it pleases allows the excuse of grief to become the reason not to catch it.
It is not easy to catch that boomerang, but also not easy to let it hit you. The pain of it hitting you is just as bad as the original episode that caused the grief to exist. One pain allows you to find purpose, while the other allows the victim’s mentality to become justified. The boomerang that is grief is a terrible weapon, but it can become a tool for progress when perspectives shift and choices are made. Both pains are horrible, but one gives you the incentive to catch and use it, while the other allows you to stay in pain and let it use you.
Instead of creating the continued boomerang effect, letting go of the pain is equivalent to catching that boomerang. Learning to catch it is the only course of action since you cannot avoid its return. After the catch, letting it go and putting it down becomes the key to growth.
Bibliography
Haskins, D. R., M.D., Ph.D. (2014). Letting Go, The Pathway to Surrender (p. 8). Hay House Inc. https://www.amazon.com/Letting-David-Hawkins-M-D-Ph-D/dp/1401945015
Gould, W. R., & Romanoff, S., PsyD (2023, August 1). 5 Reasons Why You Can’t Let Go of Resentment, According to Therapists. Verywellmind.com. Retrieved October 29, 2023, from https://www.verywellmind.com/reasons-why-you-cant-let-go-of-resentment-7567841
Gilam, Gadi, et al. “What Is the Relationship between Pain and Emotion? Bridging Constructs and Communities.” Neuron, vol. 107, no. 1, 2020, p. 17, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neuron.2020.05.024. Accessed 29 Oct. 2023.
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(ND). Nancy G. Brinker. Nancybrinker.com. Retrieved October 29, 2023, from https://nancybrinker.com
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