Written by The feelings of grief can be harrowing, but over time, it can spark incredible ingenuity, strength, and the desire for a different life altogether. The pain associated with whatever type of grief was experienced is a constant reminder of what was. Putting it into a new light or changing the grief incident’s perspective can fuel growth. Some incredible creations were developed after tragedy, loss, and dismay.
I have previously talked about Eric Clapton’s song, “Tears In Heaven.” That song would have never been created if not for the unfortunate death of his son. Also, if he had waited to put the song out, it would never have been on the soundtrack to the movie Rush. That movie soundtrack helped boost the song to platinum status. The song is currently listed as the 362nd song on Rolling Stone magazine’s list of the top 500 songs of all time. The Susan G. Komen Fund would not have come to fruition if Komen’s sister did not feel the pain of losing her. The Highway Safety Act of 1966 successfully reduced the rate of vehicle accidents, only after waiting until 1966 to act literally.
Actor Danny Trejo transformed his life after serving 11 years in four different prisons, which included Folsom and San Quentin. If he had stayed in prison or become a victim of recidivism, he would not be worth over 10 million dollars. Even Robert Downey, Jr. went from being a heroin addict to becoming Iron Man in one of the most iconic movie roles ever created. If Downey had waited to get clean or never got clean, he would have missed the role of a lifetime,
These examples show that the byproducts of hurt, and pain can be new inventions, entertainment, leases on life, and foundations for hope. Life’s challenges sparked the producers of these things into creative mode, bringing them into existence. Sometimes, waiting until all the stars are aligned could have dire consequences. Several opportunities were created in response to some tragedy. At times, the will to not stop will create improvements. The grief related to not accomplishing a goal weigh heavy on some.
Visionaries like Elon Musk decided to risk perfection; the consequences were that his Falcon Series spaceships blew up in April of this year (2023). Those losses still didn’t stop his progress. Eventually, after learning from his failed attempts, he was successful in his ventures. Waiting to get it right may cost you the opportunity of never attempting or giving your opportunity away to someone else willing to endure the pain of grief.
Some, unfortunately, wait until they believe the conditions will be right before they make any moves but fail to realize that the journey is a big part of getting to the goal. Perfect should be what is strived for, but it should not be the reason for never beginning. The hockey legend Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss 100% of the shots you never take.” That is the attitude you must have when pursuing your dreams and aspirations.
Fear, pain, frustration, and failure are all part of the journey, but those aspects are designed to see what you will do to navigate their roadblocks. Being presented with circumstances that appear to prevent actually helps one to garner strength, knowledge, and self-assurance. Once one can transverse the seemingly impossible impediments, they know the ability to handle other complicated tasks is in their lexicon.
Besides the feeling of grief, many allow the difficulty of a circumstance to dictate their justifications for never starting. Claiming a lack of knowledge, education, or ability creates a mental block that allows some to convince themselves they are not ready to move forward. When one has told themselves that the task is impossible and sees evidence based on others or their own previously failed attempts, it gives reason in their mind to wait until the conditions change. This means, more than likely, they will wait and never move forward because they are always telling themselves that the time isn’t right.
Moving with caution is very different than not moving at all. Cautious moves and, at times, patience is the best option. If you have ever witnessed kids playing double Dutch jump rope, you will see that cautious delay can result in an outstanding performance, but the participant will never not attempt to jump in. Again, cautious trepidations are part of the calculations and can result in a command performance, where never jumping in only results in the rope bearers being tired. A simple and funny visual of what is being discussed, but the point is well understood.
The feelings of grief encountered may put us in that permanent caution that results in never trying, and it becomes detrimental. Earlier examples showed that choosing to go when not 100 percent ready can result in glorious victory. Not being afraid to fail must overtake the mind. The feeling of not being ready will morph into stagnation.
Learning from failures, mistakes, and challenges is far superior to accomplishment than stagnating cautions. Many have chosen to wait and die during the process. As Dr. Myles Munroe indicated, our local graveyards have so much untapped potential. The grief we experience can become a catalyst for growth and progress. Instead of letting the feeling of grief keep one in a holding pattern, using its unbounded energy to one’s advantage is highly beneficial. This action will not negate the negative feelings but will instead bring purpose to them. Rosie Swale-Pope is an example.
As a result of her husband’s death from prostate cancer, Rosie Swale-Pope chose to run around the world. She collected money for multiple charities and endured harsh elements, fatigue, and physical illness, including frostbite, to complete her task of running over 19,000 miles in 5 years. The choice to honor her grief led to other grief experiences, but it culminated in a world record, collecting over 250,000 pounds for multiple charities, two books, and a song in her honor.
This all goes back to saying that the rational mind would have created blockades of stagnation. Still, the refusal to give up, listen to the popular and “logical” consensus, as well as genuine self-belief that she saw the opportunity in her loss, kept Rosie Swale-Pope on an ever-forward path. Her wherewithal is not to say that all people should go this route but that waiting until the conditions become perfect will keep one at the starting point forever. The challenges one endures become the reason for progress. Learning to figure it out as you move versus waiting for the stars to align will result in glorious achievements.
Once people rationalize not doing something, they are in disbelief that it can be done. Waiting will justify that disbelief and make one feel that not accomplishing the goal was the more rational decision. The problem is that feeling fleets and is soon replaced with feelings of regret. (Seif & Winston) The guilt of never moving, even to attempt the goal, is a far worse feeling than failure. The good old college try is much better than the regretful feelings of “never.”
Some allow “never” to be a justification based on what they see as a logical reason for waiting. Unfortunately, it also means that the intended goals will never be reached. What is more important? Is the safety and security of never moving more critical than the irrational attempts at progress? Choosing to see opportunity in the hardship is a shift in perspective that will allow movement to happen.
Often, the rational thoughts contributing to self-preservation trump the attempts to do something considered significant but irrational. The difference between stagnation and progress is becoming a person who can shift their mind to being more will-oriented than rational thought-oriented. It comes down to a decision. What will you choose to do? Life is always about choice, and the initial choice helps create a decision; that decision decides action and always produces consequences. As stated, the consequences are based on the initial choice to move or stay put.