Written by Our world has close to 8 billion inhabitants. This means that from the youngest person that can form one to the oldest, every one with one thinks their opinion matters most. To a certain degree, this is true because we need to value how we feel about things. Unfortunately, when a person goes through a traumatic experience, they sometimes forget that their opinions are valid also.
Being rattled and shaken by an event that has happened makes opinion-forming difficult. May it be a loss of a person dear, a job, or a home, the possibility that caused the grief makes life unclear for moments. The desire to validate our thoughts during these times is critical, although we are all over the place with them. Some tend to gravitate to an opinion that may counter our own because it makes more sense than ours.
When our opinions are not validated by those we thought would do so, we begin to second-guess ourselves and let the opinions of others seep into our minds. Sometimes people even believe other people know more about them than they do about themselves. The loss of self-confidence negates the ability to formulate strong opinions and make decisions.
Grief may give some a syndrome known as Brain Fog. During those times, the opinions of others seem to carry a weight that grievers can’t bear. Depending on the reason for the grief, some appear not to know themselves and may either second guess their actions or commit wrong ones. When people don’t create activities that serve their purpose, instead of understanding that mistakes happen, they believe themselves to be a failure and seek to find someone else’s opinion to hold on to, hoping it is the right one. Sometimes, they do not even care if the opinion of others has merit.
That feeling becomes dangerous because it leaves a person in grief open to making bad choices. Some believe that others are acting in their interest (and many are), but some see the griever’s vulnerabilities as an opportunity to take advantage.
The griever may not see it because they believe that the person using them has a valid opinion of or for them, allowing an unscrupulous person to use them. During a time of difficulty, it can be hard to know if others are only using them.
When people are going through periods of grief, they sometimes want someone else to take the wheel and hopefully take the burdens off their hands. Unfortunately, life does not work that way. I am going to say, fortunately, it does not. I say that because, with the challenge, we will grow. Also, the adversities one deals with and endure build strength and character. Lastly, you do not want others making decisions for you because, as earlier stated, they may be making them for their benefit only.
One must understand that when grieving, trusting their opinions is vital. An incorrect decision may be made, but all decisions are reversible. It is difficult to make choices when a situation has caused self-doubt to creep in. When one is indecisive, taking a slower, more systematic approach to deciding is imperative. Take your time making one. Observe the validity of your opinion before deciding to do what you will do. Understand that several factors triggered by the harrowing event that caused the grief may come into play. A PsychCentral article from August 23, 2022, said, “Mental health conditions can make decisions more challenging. Personal stressors and the weight of the decision can also play into difficulty in making decisions. Indecisiveness is a trait that can leave you feeling stuck”. (Moore and Juby) The article also talked about some reasons for indecision, such as:
- lack of confidence
- procrastination
- perceived judgment of “making the wrong decision”
- anxiety,
Formulating opinions can be challenging and may lead to poor decision-making. The grief experience may render some helpless to make one, but this is where one must harness the will and take approaches that allow them to be made. Strategizing, reviewing opinions, and thinking about the next move instead of making impulsive choices are crucial. That same article suggested four ways to help make decisions.
1. Limit your options to avoid what researchers call “Choice Overload.”
2. Make a plan and decide in a step-by-step fashion.
3. Implement a decision-making model that involves these kinds of tactics:
- identify the problem
- identify potential issues involved
- review relevant ethics codes
- review applicable laws and rules
- consult with others
- list all possible courses of action
- count the consequences of probable decisions
- choose what you believe is the best course of action
4. Do not make impulsive decisions.
Although all of these aspects play a factor in our decision-making, we must not give power to others by letting their opinions shape our own. This can lead to indecision or wrong choices based on views, not in your best interest. This is not to say do not listen to other people’s opinions. It is to say that no one else’s opinion should matter more than yours. Advice is something that should be considered before being acted upon.
More importantly, do not allow other people’s opinions to drown out yours. It would be best if you become confident enough to validate your opinion. You must do what you feel best, even if it contradicts widespread consensus. Everyone has an opinion about how you should make a choice.
Grief makes holding to your convictions difficult, but not making one or allowing someone else to address your fate can have dire consequences. The saying “opinions are like #@%holes” is true. Again, we are in a world of 8 billion people, so instead of listening to everyone else’s, take a moment and evaluate yours.
Do not let the grief you are experiencing cause you not to trust yourself, and do not allow the opinion of others to devalue yours. Have faith in yourself. Realize that your opinions matter. They might culminate into hard choices but make them based on your opinions instead of someone else’s.
Some voices may attempt to invalidate your opinions, but taking a calculated risk on your opinion is a chance that must be taken. There is no guarantee that the choice derived from the opinion will be the right one, but not choosing because one has second-guessed themselves does guarantee the wrong one because, in that case, decisions will not be rendered.
To make a good decision, it must first begin with evaluating an opinion. Hopefully, that validation is based on an opinion that you formulated. Choosing to believe that the views of others are more valid than yours means that one can place themselves in positions that will not be a benefit. The ability to think is the beginning of opinion-making. Since one has the option to consider, they can also formulate an opinion that will work to their advantage.
As stated earlier, it may not be popular, and one must understand that opinions will lead to criticism. Critics are only sometimes correct. Many times, they are not. One will never know if their opinion is valid if one chooses not to act on it and instead listen to others.
That means that one has taken a follow-the-leader approach. If the decision derived from the opinion is comparable to the status quo, then understand that the results will equal the choice others have made.
The results are similar because the choice was to listen to the opinions of others instead of following your own in an attempt to validate them. Formulating ideas during grief is challenging, but doing so can lead to a better version of self. The other way guarantees one will be like other people who may not seek better options for themselves. One’s opinion must lead to choosing to break away from the norms and becoming OK with criticism. Self-belief is the basis for formulating solid opinions. Knowing there are 8 billion others in the world means one must be confident to believe that theirs matters.