Written by I recently conducted an experiment on myself. I wanted to see the impact of unchecked grief. I have had to do many things for years to keep my grief issues at bay. I chose not to take medication and instead decided on a lifestyle change. I went extreme, including cutting out everything I considered “comfortable” and often my “go-to’s” during my bouts with grief. I have gotten so much better over the years, but I consider the years that I have gotten better as still part of my fight because it takes a conscious effort, discipline, and willpower to avoid returning to my old ways. The things I cut out are what many people consider “rights” or “luxuries.”
I cut out things like TV, for example. An article released On Oct 8, 2021, in Dove Press, a medical journal, discussed the impact of screentime during the COVID-19 epidemic. That period spawned much worldwide grief. The article discussed an experiment conducted with 1089 adults, and the results showed that screen time played a major role in mental outlook. The study’s conclusions stated, “The findings of this study suggest that binge-watching correlates with psychological and mental health symptoms including stress, loneliness, insomnia, depression, and anxiety.” (Raza et al., 2022). I also put down the fast food and junk and started eating healthier, adding more complex carbohydrates and fruits to my diet, also cutting out beef and pork (Sawchuk, 2022). A Nutritional Science study from 2022 concluded that the “Level of brain maturation and age-related changes in brain morphology and functions may necessitate dietary adjustments for improving mental well-being” (Begdash et al., 2019). The bottom line was that fast food had to go.
This week though, I went “all-in” and grabbed every vice I could. The ones that I had been denying myself for so long. I binge-watched “Ted Lasso” on Apple TV, went to a club and hooked up with a chick I will never see again, grabbed some weed, and even had a few drinks. Thank God for Uber. On the way home, I even had the driver stop through the drive-through at one of my old fast food haunts, Whataburger. I went in. It all felt great then, but the next day, I felt like crap and remembered that I still needed to get my car. I could not do this for a week, which was my original experiment timeframe, because I felt I would kill myself. Mind you; this was a usual occurrence before I made the shift.
We gravitate to anything we think will take away the pain when we are neck-deep in our grief. Our vices serve us at the time but only enlarge the monster of grief. I had to get back on my regimen quickly because the demons were all on me. I started seeing reminders of past events, hearing the voices of past people I had cut out of my life long ago, and even urges that I had put behind me started creeping back up. Our grief will lead us to believe that these things are helping, but they are feeding the beast, and our continued support only adds to it.
Ultimately, I concluded that the things I cut out of my life needed to stay out because I would not find a better version of myself by indulging in them. You are going through a challenging period in your life, and society wants you to embrace temporary satisfaction, leading you to believe it is helpful. Still, it is only making matters worse. Try this yourself in reverse. Actually, deny yourself what you think is aiding your grief. You will see that, in this case, subtraction and division are much better than addition and multiplication.
Do not look at restricting yourself as doing so; instead, look at it as a path that will lead you to a better version of yourself. You already know what you will get from sticking to your familiar, and you know that your grief gets the benefits of your stress, anxiety, and discomfort. Change is the only constant in life. This change will lead you to a better and freer life despite the grief you are experiencing. It will be difficult initially but understand that this challenge moves you forward and through your grief. You have not been used to loving yourself, and the grief you are going through has not helped. Stop looking for hindrances to help you become a better version of yourself. These hindrances become vices; they will not help, and ultimately, freedom is what you seek.
Denying yourself the things feeding your grief monster helps you by empowering you. Every step forward loosens its grip on you. You will not be free of the grief, but you will be in more control. Take more control by putting yourself first. You owe yourself that. Start believing that you do.
Bibliography
Raza, S. H., Yousaf, M., Sohail, F., Munawar, R., Ogadimma, E. C., & Siang, J. M. L. D. (2021). Investigating Binge-Watching Adverse Mental Health Outcomes During Covid-19 Pandemic: Moderating Role of Screen Time for Web Series Using Online Streaming. Psychology research and behavior management, 14, 1615–1629. https://doi.org/10.2147/PRBM.S328416
Lina Begdache, Maher Chaar, Nasim Sabounchi & Hamed Kianmehr (2019) Assessment of dietary factors, dietary practices and exercise on mental distress in young adults versus matured adults: A cross-sectional study, Nutritional Neuroscience, 22:7, 488-498, DOI: 10.1080/1028415X.2017.1411875
Sawchuk, C. N., Ph.D., L.P. (2017, May 24). Coping with anxiety: Can diet make a difference? Retrieved April 15, 2023, from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/generalized-anxiety-disorder/expert-answers/coping-with-anxiety/faq-20057987