Written by Parenting is inherently stressful, often pushing us far beyond the bounds of our comfort zones. From the moment our children are born, we find ourselves monitoring every milestone, from diapering to those first unsteady steps and fledgling words, and well beyond. Even positive experiences, such as learning to drive, attending prom, applying to college, or starting a first job, are marked by a degree of apprehension for parents. We have high hopes for our children’s achievements, but in preparing them to step confidently beyond their own comfort zones, we must first be willing to break free of ours.
Some parents prefer to keep their children comfortable within the status quo, adhering to the belief that “what was good for us is good for them.” Words like “tradition” and “generations,” along with phrases like “that’s the way we’ve always done it,” serve as justifications for not pushing beyond familiar boundaries. While these notions aren’t inherently wrong, they can often be used to avoid stepping outside of comfort zones and limit potential growth.
Single fathers should recognize that staying within their comfort zones might have contributed to their current situation, although it is not the sole reason, as circumstances vary greatly. For instance, if you found comfort in casual relationships and neglected protection, that comfort could be a factor in becoming a single father. Similarly, if the comfort provided by a partner led you to marry and have children, and that marriage eventually ended in divorce, understand that your comfort zone may have played a role in this outcome. It’s important to reflect on these patterns to better navigate future relationships and responsibilities.
“Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda”
Seeing that these factors play roles, ask yourself this–have you ever played the “woulda, shoulda, coulda” card with yourself? Wondering if you pursued other options, the ones that family, society, and even yourself kept you from believing you could do, but now have you in a space of wondering how your life would have turned out. That’s the past, so let it go. There is no reason for regret, because what is done is done, but now that you are a single father, you realize that staying in that comfort zone may not have been the best idea. Here is where you get your moment to create a future based on past desires.
You are now way out of your comfort zone and not by choice. Circumstance has forced you to crawl out of your shell, so use this as an opportunity to explore. Discover what you can achieve. You have been pushed out of your comfort zone, so see where it can take you. Start small. There does not need to be a dramatic push to find yourself. Realize that you can because you already have.
Those dreams of becoming a pro-athlete, musician, writer, or artist faded into what is now your reality, and you find yourself in a middle management (or below) job that you are not totally thrilled about. That desire to be comfortable, along with listening to others, also kept you from stepping out of your comfort zone. You remember hearing words like “safety and stability” ringing in your ears. None of that is wrong at all, but it did keep you from aspiring to be your best. Now that you are a single father, realize that the comfort zone is long gone.
Take the Necessary Action
You must do what you must to keep food on the table, clothes on the children’s backs, and still have funds available to allow them to do extracurricular activities–plus go on a family vacation occasionally. These things still should not stagnate you. It is time to get out of your comfort zone a little. Perhaps write that book you always dreamed of writing, or go to a comedy improv if you always wanted to do stand-up comedy. Doing these things will inspire you to have more passion and may transform into another revenue stream. For example, Ken Jeong, the comedy legend, left a lucrative medical career to pursue his passion for comedy, and look where he is today.
We may not get to his level, but taking action to pursue your dream is a start. A Harvard University publication talked about creating an action plan to start, The article stated, “Start working towards your goal, follow the plan you created” Although you are a single father with many duties, telling yourself you are willing to stretch beyond you comfort zone and dedication time to doing so, means you are willing to act. It does not mean it will culminate into your fondest desires, but you will never know unless you try. You have already been pushed out of your comfort zone becoming a single father, so you know that you can do it. It now comes down to whether you are willing to try.
I was scared for years and never gave myself the opportunity, but when my wife died in 2016 and I was the sole parent to my two daughters, I decided to put my fears aside and attempt new things. I wrote in an anthology and have my own book being released in August. I always wanted to be a speaker on the big stage, so I started with Toastmasters. I wanted to become an entrepreneur, so I started selling life insurance. I even started my podcast on a dare, and have been doing it ever since. None of these pursuits have made me millions, but I know if I keep going, then I will open more doors to possibility. I made the decision to burn my boats, live on my savings, and go for broke. None of this would have been attempted without stepping out of my comfort zone. I have no idea where this wild pursuit
50% Beats 100% in This Case
I took an extreme approach, but I am not suggesting that you do the same. I do suggest that you step into the pool and realize that you have the ability and capacity to get out of your comfort zone. The evidence is there because becoming a single father means that you must become comfortable being uncomfortable. You have had to pivot, turn, and adjust to accommodate your new experience as a single father already, so you have plenty of evidence that proves your capabilities.
The biggest thing I decided to do was transform my broken heart into a career. After losing my wife in 2016, I was lost. I spoke with a therapist who sparked my interest in coaching others. I took several life coaching courses and have since begun my practice of helping other single fathers navigate their single father journey. My clientele has grown, and I can help so many. I never knew my tragedy could become a testament to help others and a new career path for me. You never know what can happen until you try. A 50% shot in this case beats a 100% lack of attempt. I urge all single fathers to step out of their comfort zone (even if it’s a small step), you never know where it could take you or what it will lead to. As Jim Rhone stated, “growth never happens in comfort.” The comfort zone can be a trap if you let it, but stepping outside of it gives you endless possibilities.