Written by When I first heard about the “Burn the boats” concept, I ended up hearing it three times in one day. The first time, I was watching a video on YouTube featuring Tony Robbins, the motivational speaker that gets people to walk over burning coals. Later that day, I was listening to a podcast starring Eddie Pinero. He hosts “The World Within” podcast; he was doing a show on the concept and even gave examples of Hernan Cortes, a Spanish conquistador that explored Cuba. I then opened my YouTube app on my phone, and the Navy S.E.A.L. turned podcaster Jacko Willnek was doing a show on burning your boats, and he acquainted it with people’s attitude about having backup plans.
I had experienced a series of unfortunate events ranging from my wife’s death to betrayals I discovered. I was racked with shame, envy, anger, and guilt, which eventually led to some self-destructive behaviors on my part. I made the excuse of justifying my actions because of what happened and held a huge pity party for years. The day I heard this concept back to back, to back, it changed my life.
I had come into some money, and that circumstance front-loaded my self-destructive behaviors. Although finically I was OK, I was in a deep depression. I felt that no one understood my pain and no one cared. Some people blamed me for what I discovered, which made me feel worse. It became the first time in my life that I felt like ending my life. I was so blessed to hear about the “Burn the boats” concept because it allowed me to create a new perspective and see my issues as assets instead of detriments.
The concept of “Burning the boats” means that looking back is not beneficial. Forward progress, no matter what, is the only way to affect change. I talked about a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote I heard that said, “The best way out is always through” (Emerson). Once I sobered up, I started taking a long, hard look at my life and had to face some harsh realities. I talked about this before, but David Coggins, in his book “Can’t Hurt Me,” referred to this as “looking in the truth mirror” and performing a “live autopsy” on yourself. I went through years of therapy but realized that therapists and doctors were not the answers to fixing my problems. They helped extremely, but I had to commit to change finally.
The problems were” unfixable,” and I had to come to that reality. Then I had to understand that the problems were not there to break me but to strengthen me. I first had to change the way I looked at them. You cannot unscramble eggs but make an omelet from them. The circumstances that got me here will not change, but my attitude toward them must. How I chose to see the issues were all the difference. I no longer looked at my issues as “problems”; I instead saw them as opportunities to become a better version of myself.
I spent a long-time blaming other people for what they did to me instead of realizing that I was the reason people did this to me. I was a bad person, nor were they, it was just the fact that I tried to be a square peg fitting into a round hole. The people who acted in the manner they did and treated me the way they did would have done this to anyone differently. I grew up differently, had a different moral character, and my circumstances were not understood by the people I had aligned myself with. I essentially sold my soul to fit into a group I did not belong in, and the people who treated me the way they did knew it. I was the one that chose not to see.
I was the person that did not want to admit it. I chased material things and ascetics that led me to believe that I was leaving the world I grew up in. I did not realize that it was a world more conducive to growth than the world I was so desperately attempting to fit into. I found a quote from Andrew Carnegie’s autobiography, and he discussed the youth of the working class. He said, “This is where the children of honest poverty have the most precious of all advantages over those of wealth.” (Carnegie) I realized that I was the personification of that quote.
I met and married a woman who was 1st generation rich (not wealthy at all), but she never knew it, and her family and friends lived and thought similarly. They were of sustenance and put their status above other people and were satisfied with their positions. My mistake was mistaking their status for true wealth. Furthermore, my mistake did not understand that my upbringings were an asset to me.
Getting off that because it appears that I am putting down the people that I worshipped. That is not the case; they were awesome people, and I was so blessed to have known and been a part of their world. When it came crashing down on me, I initially could not understand, but this is where the ‘Burning the boats” concepts stuck with me. Even though, at the time, I did not know it. Although I later came into money, I was not happy, and I had to realize that the people that treated me in a certain manner were not either. I decided to measure my financial existence and give myself a certain timeframe to find a version of myself that I could be happy with.
After hearing the “Burning the boats” analogy three times and understanding that I placed myself in a scenario that was not beneficial to growth, I decided to pursue taking a deep dive into the hurt, pain, and anguish that had befallen me to find that better version of myself. I heard this lyric by Zach Williams and Dolly Parton in a song titled “There Was Jesus.” The song says, “There is a blessing buried in the broken pieces.”
I chose to look for the blessing instead of what I had been doing, which was wallowing in what I thought I had lost. It comes with changing perspective because if one does not, one will never see the benefits of the growth. I had to let go of my ways of thinking and embrace new concepts. One that meant starting again and changing again. I realized that I had changed like a Chameleon on several occasions, but that change was geared to go from one survival mode to the next, and now I was looking to change to find a freedom that I longed for. One that also embodied who I was. I realized I was more of a risk-taker than the people I had been around. I am not a gambler at all but a person that chose to venture into the realm of calculated risk to find the opportunity of true reward.
Choosing to burn my boats was that calculated risk. I had children, so I decided to frontload their college ambitions and pay off a series of lingering debts that included some medical bills from my wife’s death. I sold my home in NJ and moved to a one-bedroom apartment in TX. I changed career paths because although my present career was fruitful, I again was unhappy doing it.
I was conflicted about what to do, but I learned the value of helping others. I soon realized I had been in severe complicated grief for a long time, and so many others were. I learned how the negative energy of grief can be repurposed and used to move forward. I took additional finances and built a company dedicated to motivation and teaching people to use the infinite energy of grief to their advantage. Choosing to burn my boats afforded me opportunities that I would never have pursued if I did not. I am a motivational speaker, podcaster, and writer of a book, blogs, and articles. Although I am not in the same financial position I used to be in, I am much happier, knowing that I am helping other people realize that the grief they are going through will become an asset if they can learn to change their perspective about it. Burning the boats means letting go of the past, and drudging forward is the best option. “It’s always darkest before the day dawn.” Realize that all storms pass, and they lead to rainbows and brighter days.
Choice dictates movement. Burning the boats means that forward is the only way because looking back or thinking about wanting to go back will only end up in peril. Reworking your mind to understand that things have not happened to you but are happening for you means that one has chosen to find that blessing in the broken pieces. It is not easy, and I have been in fear many times, but now that fear acts as fuel instead of the roadblocks I used to let be. I do not know how this will work out, but I am now more focused on the journey than the end game. The end game is the box, and I want my tombstone dash to be full of rewarding, exciting, and beneficial accolades by the time the good Lord takes me from here. Many people have decided just to live to die, and I do not want to be one of them. I saw it happen firsthand, and I see that too many others are willing to do so.
I may not get there, but if I do not, at least I went in pursuit of my goals. Burning the boats is the difference between dying on your feet and your knees. I have been scraping my knees for far too long. You must ask yourself a question. Are you OK with littering the graveyard with a spirit of regret, or do you want to leave this world knowing that your life helped move humanity forward meaningfully? This is not a statement to disparage but a statement of challenge.