Written by People are paid millions of dollars to perform for others. It can be in sports, music, or other entertainment. Onlookers do things like buy their T-shirts, jerseys, or memorabilia. It begs the question, why do we support others but do not believe we have the capability to do the things we admire? Fear plays a large role in the decision. Another is the realization of the hard work that it takes to be considered elite at something. Another factor comes to mind. That factor is that many let their desire become quelled by others telling them that they cannot achieve such lofty goals.
Whatever the reason, it keeps you from being a better version of yourself. The ability to do must be matched by the desire to do. If you are more comfortable watching others succeed, then you do not believe you can. The challenges you have endured can serve as fuel to create momentum. It is also the perfect opportunity to explore the opportunities you have only dreamed about.
It is lonely at the top, but the view is tremendous. The problem is that many do not want to be alone. Becoming the best at something means you may have to isolate yourself for a time to perfect your craft. (Jenkins, 2017) This arduous task first starts with making a choice—the choice to reject the world in pursuit of your dream. It is the fine line between genius and insanity.
We only see the product of years of drills, practices, training, and isolation. For example, Kevin Hart talks about his incredible struggles to become the superstar comedian he is.
Spending years attempting to hit it big also includes a high probability of failure. In fact, one is almost assured of it. Motivational speaker Les Brown is quoted as saying, “You have to learn how to fail your way to success.” The truth is that having a dream is the easy part, but keeping the wherewithal to maintain that dream, is the challenge. Winston Churchill said, “Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm”
It means that you must walk that fine line between genius and insanity every day until you make it, and even then, you must walk it even further to maintain it because the descent is so much worse. Take the ex-quarterback Johnny Manziel, he was a darling in college, and when he was welcomed to the NFL by a series of gorilla-type hits, his star fell quickly.
Even though the chances of failure are high, your option not to attempt is even worse. That option becomes riddled with regret and guilt, resulting in pain or, even worse, envy.
It is better to try and fail than to never try at all. Emotions that result in attitudes like procrastination play a role in the lack of desire to be on the field. A study performed in 1997 on college students by APS Fellow Dianne Tice and APS Roy Baumeister concluded that procrastination affects performance over the long term. (Tice, et al., 1997)
Staying with the sports analogy, I researched a journal article in Health Education Research that discussed the many excuses humans give not to participate in sports. The excuses are equivocal to the ones given in life. The article stated, “On a simple level, barriers to participation in physical activity include high costs, poor access to facilities and unsafe environments. Other more complex issues relating to identity and shifting social networks also greatly influence.” (Allendar et al., 2006) All valid excuses, but others have accomplished the goal with many of these barriers in place. Some examples are Jesse Owens, who became a multiple gold Medal winner under the eyes of one of history’s most evil men. Hank Aaron also faced dangerous and challenging odds to become the first black man in major league baseball.
Ultimately, your choice will produce change, which is necessary for growth. Sitting on the sidelines and only viewing others will not give you the growth you need to fuel yourself. It may create a spark, but it is like motivation. It comes down to your choice to do the work that is needed to perform a task. Since the sidelines are your motivation, become brave enough to get out on the field or into whatever arena you dream of being in. Stop convincing yourself that the challenge is “too hard” and that you cannot perform on a certain level. An article in Forbes talked about choice creating change, and the title clearly stated that growth would never come if you do not.
There are also high levels of stress associated with turning dreams into realities. An article was written in The National Library of Medicine titled, The effects of acute stress on Performance: implications for health professions education. Written by Vicki R. LeBlanc and edited by Drs. Dyrbye and Liselotte, the article discussed the incredible stress levels associated with people training to become physicians. The article listed some alarming statistics that make some wonder if the pursuit is worthwhile. According to the article, people training in the medical field have reported symptoms of major significance. The writer said, “These stressors have significant effects on individuals. Most, but not all, researchers observe that approximately 25% to 35% of medical trainees report symptoms of anxiety and/or depression in response to the stressors they encounter.” (LeBlanc, 2009).
You wonder, if facing these types of symptoms, why would one desire to pursue medicine? Those who want this goal understand that they must endure extreme hardships to get it. They have chosen not to sit on the sideline. That same article talks about how the stress many put on themselves can benefit them. The article stated, “Beliefs that stress can enhance learning (“you learn better under the gun”) coexist closely with beliefs that learning is optimized in conditions that are free of anxiety and stress.” (LeBlanc, 2009). Yes, it is challenging to get what you truly want, and desiring to be in an elite group means that you must be willing to make sacrifices.
The reason why I encourage people to address their personal matters related to grief, loss, or some type of challenge is that they are already going through it, and as scientists point out, stress can enhance performance and, at the same time, get the person managing the stress to recognize that they can become a better version of themselves. Your favorite artist, athlete, singer, or actor has agreed to do what must be done, just like those in the field of medicine. They have made the choice to be out on the field and take a chance.
Jim Rohn said, “Be a meaningful statistic instead of a wandering generality.” As Dr. Myles Munroe stated, “The graveyard is full of potential.” When you die, do you want to have regretted the fact that you did not attempt, or would you rather say to yourself, either I attempted and failed, or I attempted and made it? Both ways are better than the shoulda, coulda, woulda thoughts of regret. Learn to use these negative headwinds like stress, anxiety, and grief to your advantage.
Let it be your opportunity to get out on the playing field. That is where the better version of you will be found. Do not end up as a reality of that Dr. Myles Munroe quote. “The wealthiest place in the world is not the gold mines of South America or the oil fields of Iraq or Iran. They are not the diamond mines of South Africa or the banks of the world. The wealthiest place on the planet is just down the road. It is the cemetery. There lie buried companies that were never started, inventions that were never made, bestselling books that were never written, and masterpieces that were never painted. In the cemetery is buried the greatest treasure of untapped potential.” This is the difference between being a fan and a player.
How does this relate to grief and using grief as fuel? Everything, because not attempting becomes an excuse to blame grief as your reason not to try. Amid the chaos is the perfect opportunity to push yourself to attempt what was previously a dream. You have the ability; now find the desire. Stop wasting your extremely valuable commodity of time. You only get one life; again, it is better to attempt and fail than to never attempt at all.
Bibliography
Tice , D. M., APS, & Baumeister, R. F., APS (1997). LONGITUDINAL STUDY OF PROCRASTINATION, PERFORMANCE, STRESS, AND HEALTH: The Costs and Benefits of Dawdling. Psychological Science, 8(6), 3. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.1997.tb00460.x
Allendar, S., Coburn, G., & Foster, C. (2006). Understanding participation in sport and physical activity among children and adults: A review of qualitative studies. Health Education Research, 21(6), 831. https://doi.org/10.1093/her/cyl063
Blaschka , A. (2018, September 4). Make A Choice To Take A Chance Or Your Life Will Never Change. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/amyblaschka/2018/09/24/make-a-choice-to-take-a-chance-or-your-life-will-never-change/?sh=308078c74978
LeBlanc V. R. (2009). The effects of acute stress on performance: implications for health professions education. Academic medicine : journal of the Association of American Medical Colleges, 84(10 Suppl), S25–S33. https://doi.org/10.1097/ACM.0b013e3181b37b8f
Munroe, M. Dr. (2014, September). “The wealthiest place in the world is not the gold mines of South America or the oil fields of Iraq or Iran.” Good Reads. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/9196732-the-wealthiest-place-in-the-world-is-not-the-gold
Churchill, W. (nd). “Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm”. Good Reads. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/537399-success-is-the-ability-to-go-from-failure-to-failure
Jenkins, R. P., RPT (2017, May 10). How Flow States can help Depression and Anxiety. LinkedIn. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-flow-states-can-help-depression-anxiety-rob-jenkins/
[Jay Shetty/YouTube]. (2023, January 9). Kevin Hart ON: The SECRET To Success & Happiness NOBODY TALKS ABOUT (Do This In 2023) | Jay Shetty [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAmGfokvgzA
Kaplan, E. (2016, April 16). The Fall of Johnny Football. SI. https://www.si.com/nfl/2016/03/15/johnny-manziel-nfl-cleveland-browns
Les, B. (ND). You have to learn how to fail your way to success.”53 Inspiring Les Brown quotes to destroy fear and live your dreams. Inspire Your Success Lead Pages. https://www.inspireyoursuccess.com/les-brown-quotes/#:~:text=“You%20have%20to%20learn%20how,fail%20your%20way%20to%20success.”&text=“Accept%20responsibility%20for%20your%20life,go%2C%20no%20one%20else.”