Written by The Art of Mindful Communication in Single Fatherhood
For a single father, being conscious of both words and actions is not only important; it’s vital. Words spoken in the heat of emotion can inadvertently lead to permanent rifts in the father-child relationship. It’s crucial to mentally separate the child from their mother’s mannerisms, ensuring that communication is focused solely on the child as an individual. Avoiding statements that could lead to regret is a critical aspect of nurturing this bond.
Beyond mere words, learning to communicate effectively with your child involves understanding a proper mix of communication types and styles. Achieving this requires a high degree of mental and emotional maturity from the father. Children often express themselves emotionally, and while it’s essential to understand and empathize with them, fathers must maintain their role as adults, finding ways to convey their messages effectively without descending to the same emotional level.
Maintaining emotional elevation allows a father to navigate sensitive situations with care and wisdom. Encouraging open dialogue, using active listening, and showing empathy can go a long way in building a resilient and loving relationship with your child.
Different Communication Styles
Growing up, we were subjected to a one-way approach, but as one can remember, it was not too successful. How many times did you tell yourself, “I am not going to raise my kids the way my parents raised me.” You remember the things that were said, such as “Do as I say, not as I do.” You were in a quandary, for example, when your mom or dad pulled out the Scotch but got on you the week prior for drinking. It sparked your defiance. You had a hard time with the communication mix, and instead of encouraging you to be better than them, they told you to ignore their actions, but also not follow them. Single fathers must break from tradition for more effective communication.
Today’s children do not adhere to adages the way we were taught to. Because of that, parents (especially single fathers) must learn to adjust their communication to be more effective with their kids. A higher level of consciousness must be taken than what the previous generations had. One reason is that kids have more access to information than we did then. Also, they act bolder for the most part. For example, they are quicker to leave the nest than we were (although many inevitably return), and that ready-for-the-world feeling emboldens them to communicate differently.
Over the years, the models have changed, but some of the principles remain. In the 50’s, the popular 7 C’s of Communication gave us a model that suggested one must be accurate and thorough with their talk. The model stressed things like courtesy, consideration, and correctness. Areas that communication should stress. Over time, communication styles morphed to address more of our emotions. Getting away from the correctness of language and focusing more on the feeling associated with one’s wording. The communication types today are these:
- Assertive
- Passive
- Aggressive
- Passive-Aggressive
- Emotional
- Manipulative
- Collaborative
They also must align with the seven communication types that humans utilize to effectively communicate. This is not a blog post about language, this is about how single fathers need to use their language more effectively to better communicate with their children. So many factors have come into play, such as gender roles, new slang (that has become dictionary-worthy), race, and ethnicity, to mention a few. This has caused people to have to walk a very fine line to avoid being viewed as insensitive to others.
It is Hard to Get Your Point Across Without Offending Somebody
We must look at how one says something as well as what a person says, and we must take into consideration the medium also. For example, when you send an email in all CAPS, you run the risk of offending somebody because they assume you are yelling at them. For reasons like this, it is important to consider the medium as well as the style. The different types of communication matter greatly. Saying something in an email is different from saying it in person or in an article. The communication types are:
- Verbal
- Nonverbal
- Written
- Digital
- Intrapersonal (self-talk)
- Interpersonal
- Public (a type that many fear)
Why do single fathers need to be up to speed on these matters? Single fathers are faced with receiving so much information that it can be challenging to get it right without offending someone. Honestly, somebody is going to get mad no matter what is said or how it is said. The goal is to keep your challenges to a minimum with your kids. Seeing that emotions play a huge role in communicating, single fathers must elevate their EQ (Emotional Intelligence) to be able to get their points across to their children effectively.
Separating the feelings from their issues is key. For instance, if you have become a single father due to the loss of your significant other, you may want to speak to your children in a manner that is conducive to their emotional needs. Doing this is also helpful to you because, as single fathers due to loss, we tend to have communication problems on intrapersonal levels, and that can reflect outwardly. The feeling of not being able to do enough and believing that the passing was our fault causes us to believe we are not worthy of things. That thinking is reflected in the way we approach others, especially the ones we love. We believe they should understand. For the most part, they do, but they are all feeling the challenges of loss. Some children may feel like they are taking on their weight, and you do too. Again, it is a fine line. That fine line is also mixed with a slippery slope.
The many levels of emotions affect the way we communicate on an interpersonal level. As mentioned, children rely on emotions to help foster their communication. Single fathers must tap into that. There are binary privileges relating to your children on their emotional levels. Doing things like playing with them helps them grow. It also gives you the needed exercise, and you build your relationship with them. They remember when Daddy kicked the ball around with them or participated in the school play. An article was online in 2024 for PBS.org. It brought this point to light. The article, written by Lindsey Pruett-Hornbaker, talked about playing with your children to enhance communication skills. She discussed research from Uchikoshi Tonkovich, professor at UC Davis. Tonkovich suggested that when children and adults play together, it enhances the children’s growth.
Get on Their Level
Take a moment and get out of the rat race. Bring things down a notch. Communicating with your kids may mean that you discover their likes and go into their world for a time. When they are young, help them turn the sheets and blankets into a cave to explore. When they are teenagers, take them to a secluded area and help them enhance their driving skills.
These are things that will allow you to speak to them openly on their level. They will appreciate you for going into their world and helping them to better express themselves. They will also come to you more frequently to ask for help. They feel safe talking with you. This is what you want from them. It is being able to communicate with both words and feelings.
The most effective communication with your kids comes when you both begin to understand each other. Single fathers, you must understand that your communication skills will build your future with your children. You want to make sure you create positive memories, and you both remember.