Written by When You Choose to Solve a Problem
Single fathers, have you ever gone to bed worried about the next day, only to wake up with a renewed drive and unexpected clarity? Sometimes that clarity feels like a plan coming together.
Those moments come from your subconscious and conscious minds working in unison. Focusing on solutions puts your mind into “attack mode” and moves you forward.
When you choose to face a challenge, you create solutions. Avoiding it only builds more pressure, making issues pile up.
Two Minds are Better Than One
When the conscious and subconscious work together, you come up with solutions that you may not have even considered. Fortunately, but unfortunately, it is the pressure of your circumstances that brings both together. This is the juncture where growth takes root.
Growth doesn’t happen in comfort; it occurs through confrontation. The uncomfortable feeling, coupled with outside stressors, may lead you to feel like life is daunting. Here is where some go wrong, but others find healthy ways to manage the feelings of stress.
Society, coupled with emotions, may lead some to believe that temporary relief will be a solution. They fail to realize that all it does is release the demons of negative thoughts. Those thoughts become permanent residents and transform into feelings of hopelessness.
Here’s a Solution
Fighting those immediate feelings by calming down. It’s not easy, but it’s simple. Here are a few ways to detach yourself from the problem. This action will not make them go away, but they will allow you to take control versus them controlling you:
- Take 10 deep breaths
- Get alone for 15-30 minutes (meditate, lie in bed, or find a productive activity like cooking, reading, exercising, or journaling)
- Invalidate every negative voice that says “you can’t” with evidence that proves you have before. Ex. When the voices in your head say you can’t properly raise your kids, recall all the times you have successfully. That invalidates the negative voices by giving you evidence and proof.
- Go to a mirror and stare into it, constantly repeating to yourself positive affirmations about yourself. How you speak to yourself about yourself matters.
- Force yourself to smile. It only takes from 10 to 43 muscles to smile. On the other hand, it takes around 47 muscles to frown. Forcing a smile actively fights negative feelings. It may seem silly, but taking a proactive approach is better than a reactive one. Going to the bar, the dope man, the casino, or the house of ill repute only makes sense at the time, until you see how mentally taxing and financially draining those acts are. Mind you, it adds to problems because you are taking money and valuable time from your family. Instead, you’re applying it to temporary pleasures that result in long-term pains.
Become Clearer Through Addressing Challenges
Addressing an issue opens the mind to think about solutions. Confronting an issue is scary, but it is also mentally freeing when you do. There will be more on your plate, but it was already there; you just chose not to eat. Dealing with an issue means putting it on your to-do list.
While you are addressing other matters, you are creating solutions to previous matters, subconsciously. The world doesn’t stop just because you have issues, but the combination of conscious and subconscious thoughts creates an out-of-the-box thinking approach, which allows you to explore possibilities.
Shutting Down is an Option, but Not a Solution
Getting tired is real. Rest is mandatory. There is a difference between the two. Shutting down is a choice to ignore your issue, but resting allows you to see it from a different angle. Fight through the feelings of hopelessness by doing what was suggested and setting a period to rest.
A good idea is to set your clock when you need to rest. The alarm will force you to wake up. Hitting the snooze button puts you into a losing battle. I have been there.
Getting up, taking a cold shower, grabbing some healthy food, and committing to action to combat your issues fights the mental chaos. I must be clear. This will not solve your problems, but it brings clarity instead of attempting to numb the pain.
One method is a Band-Aid on a gunshot wound, and the other is an avenue to progress. As Jordan Peterson said, “Choose your pain.” Now or later, you will feel it. Now is a solution-oriented approach, but later is a problem-plagued one.
Transform Pain into Purpose
Your subconscious thoughts are giving you opportunities to do this. Negative feelings and thoughts can be used to power solutions. It is like nuclear energy. It can be used to destroy cities or power them, based on the user’s choice.
Transformation starts with thought, belief, and faith. Oddly enough, those are the same components that fuel unconscious thought. You own these elements. You are more clear when you realize you have everything you need to fight the chaos.
As a single father, you have access to negative energy. When you invalidate your negative beliefs and reroute your energy into constructive behaviors, you turn your negative thoughts into fuel. It is the transformation of energy that brings clarity into focus.
You Will Go Back To “Backwards” Thinking
The mind is powerful and will fight you until it works with you. It wants comfort, and normally, that comfort is at the cost of your progress. Do not beat yourself up over days you fall back into familiars.
Recognizing this proves you are creating change. I tell people to embrace those days. Give yourself 24-48 hours and then fight to get back to where you want to be. You will realize that you don’t want to stay there. If you do, understand that your fight was for nothing.
You may have to start over again or fall victim to your negative thinking. Either way, it is a choice. Starting again, although it isn’t fun, beats allowing the victimhood mentality to reign supreme.
Ask Yourself “What is More Important?”
As a single father, you have more to think about than just yourself. Your kids are looking at you. Society is already disbelieving your abilities, and you resort to letting everyone or everything that doubted you become right about their feelings concerning you.
It sucks, but when you see it that way, starting again and continuing your fight is the better option. The good thing is realizing you can do it because your past circumstances validate the fact that you can. You have done it before.
It’s cliché but real. Transform your wounds into wisdom. Your subconscious remembers the challenges you have overcome, and it will communicate that to your conscious memories. The only way out of this mess is to go through it (I’m paraphrasing Robert Frost.)
Give Yourself Some Credit
Telling yourself you “can do it” transforms negative beliefs into powerful thoughts. It is the collective collision of the conscious and subconscious thoughts, morphing to help you navigate solutions. Giving yourself flowers is a benefit. Understand that the world doesn’t see what you are going through, and it really doesn’t care.
Everyone else is busy doing their own thing, living to survive. You are in a position where everyone you love needs your assistance, primarily your kids. You must rely on strength even in your weak moments. They are looking at you.
That reality is both a conscious and subconscious element. Use it to your advantage. Your children should see Daddy as a hero. All heroes battle with the subconscious elements of their minds, so you are in good company. Whether fictions or real heroes have an obligation to uphold. As a single father, so do
Every Day Brings More Clarity, Even if You Don’t Realize It
Every morning when you rise. Start your day by thanking your subconscious for pointing you in the right direction. Things may not look that way, but if you get the privilege of waking up, it’s a start. Begin your day with that gratitude.
It helps to bring the unconscious mind closer to conscious thought. Combining the elements is a key to creating solutions. Make sure you look at your kids with a smile on your face. Even if you must force it, that look allows them to feel that things are going to be Okay.
Trust me, forced smiles become natural ones when they smile back and tell you how much they love you. That conscious gesture seeps into your subconscious thoughts. You get a much clearer picture of why you are experiencing what you are experiencing when you understand why you do what you do.
The combination of conscious and subconscious thoughts brings you closer to clarity. Your goal is to bring clarity from all the feelings of chaos and confusion. You are doing that each time you choose to stay moving. Give yourself the credit you deserve.