Written by Why Must I Do It Now
Single fathers must immediately act against these emotions. Delay and procrastination are due to emotions. Feelings keep us safe. Procrastination is disguised as poor time management, but really, it is a defense mechanism that keeps us tied to the mind’s perception of harm. Outsiders see it as being lazy, your head justifies it as not having time, but your mind and body use it to keep you comfortable. When you allow the mind to take that kind of control, then other aspects of your life automatically are derailed.
When you rationalize not doing something you are supposed to do, the mind and body are at rest. They know they do not have to work to produce a result. The mind then justifies your decision by telling you it is OK to seek a reward for a bad decision. For example, sleeping for an extra hour when you know it is beneficial to get up and move. You will take away time to do the needed work and justify it as being tired.
According to clinical psychologist and author of Self-care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-stress, and Unmask, Dr. Meghan Anna Neff, “Emotions are our brain’s way of responding to situations, helping us make sense of the world around us and guiding our actions.” These are some of the reasons for our emotions, they give credence to our actions and inactions. There are ways to combat these feelings:
- Force yourself to do what must be done.
- Tell yourself that you must do it now. Affirm your logic over your feelings.
- Set a distinct time for when you will start and an approximate finish time.
Telling Yourself You Will Verse Doing It
It is easy to tell yourself you will do something. Your mind knows it can feed you a justification when you do not. If you are the type of person who allows your emotions to control your actions, then this rationale feels appropriate. The problem occurs when it doesn’t get done. Emotions of anxiety begin to take over, and irrational thoughts manifest into immediate action in hopes of achieving the goal under a time crunch. That may work occasionally, but choosing to live that way becomes mentally, emotionally, and physically draining.
Physically, it plays out in things like poor sleep patterns, because you may have to stay up later or wake up earlier to attempt to accomplish a task. Emotionally, you are in regret, and mentally, your brain is scrambling to achieve the goal. Doing this regularly is antithetical. Bite the bullet by letting logic trump emotion. You will know when the rational part of your brain is taking over because you will do what must be done, even when your feelings are screaming not to. You will feel better once you begin the process, and great once you complete it.
You ultimately control your mind. There will be times the procrastination will win. That is alright. Do not let it become a habit. James Clear talked about this in his book Atomic Habits. Clear said, “Missing once is an accident, missing twice is the start of a new habit.” If you do not achieve the goal in your allotted timeframe, make it a priority for the next day.
Single Fathers, Make this Rule Law
Single fathers know that if you put off something, it does not go away. It only piles up and becomes another to-do item on your never-ending list. Make sure it comes off by applying discipline. Actively fighting your emotions will not be a good feeling at the time, but realize that you are fighting for control of your mind. See doing it anyway as winning the struggle. You must do this because others (your children) rely on you. Also, if they see you negating responsibility, they will feel it is OK for them to do the same. Children follow what they see more than what they hear.
To be an effective single parent, you must create a schedule of things that must be done and prioritize a timeframe for them. Let your children see that you are task-oriented. Through osmosis, they will follow suit and carry through. Because your actions affect others, be conscious of them. Doing this benefits you and them. You do your due diligence, and they witness it. If you cannot complete the task, explain that it is your top priority. Make sure to make it happen. You have verbally committed.
Make an action plan. Knowing how you are going to move is step one to moving. Fight the voices of avoidance in your head. Writing it down makes it more memorable and incentivizes priority.
Turn on the Lights
A technique I call the light switch comes to mind. It reminds me of turning on the lights in the house. It is a metaphor for creating clarity and shining the light on the dark space of procrastination in your mind. I count to three and then move to the task without giving my mind a second to talk me out of it. I read Mel Robbins’s book about this, and it works. You must commit to action.
Single fathers use this as their call to action. It paints a visual in your head, and you mimic the effect when you turn your mind lights on. There are three simple steps to creating massive action by using this technique.
- Negate the feeling of procrastination.
- Physically stand up and commit.
- Commit to the goal and begin working on it.
It is as simple as that. We allow our feelings to complicate the matter, but here is where you must put logic over feelings. Realize you are taking control when you fight the feelings. See yourself as actively fighting a war, and you are claiming victory with every goal you achieve. Check it off your list. Physically checking it off reinforces the fact that it was done and that you made it happen. You have transformed your lack of desire into the reality of your ability to do. Having it done is proof and evidence.
The more evidence you give yourself, the more incentive you have to take action. Because a single father has a never-ending list of things to do, instead of seeing the list as such, acknowledge each accomplishment. Create an action plan, commit to yourself, and check it off when you’re done.