Written by Grief will lead you to believe that every mistake or failed attempt is an absolute failure. Unfortunately, the world will reiterate that misnomer by validating negative opinions regarding the initial action. We do not celebrate other’s successes, but many will preach on the failures created by the attempt. Although it can be a double-edged sword, it is miraculous when it swings in favor of the mistake.
Failing becomes a tool that can be used to empower a person through the grief experience. Failing amounts to lessons that can be learned, and it becomes an excellent navigator towards progress. If you get it right the first time you attempt it, then one of two things have occurred. Either your bar of entry was set to low, or you did something that you knew success was likely. Either way, the choice was not to take a chance and risk being unsuccessful in the process.
Failing can become fuel that can be repurposed to generate success eventually. Humans do not want to fail, but failing to become successful is a reality. If one has never failed, then they have never indeed succeeded. It is an oxymoronic statement, but it rings true. Will Smith said, “Failure is a massive part of being successful. You actually have to seek failure.”
Our successes can be birthed from our failures. Every attempt is simply an event. Experiences are just that. They are not the definitions or labels that humans place on them. According to the late Kobe Bryant, “Failure does not exist. It is non-existent.” Success is a celebration, but failure is a lesson. That failure can be seen as a success when it brings a different intention into the world. The outer circle labels effort in lines of those two definitions, either a success or a failure. Rarely is the success seen from the failure until it is pointed out as an asset to society.
Progress in anything is a success, even when initially a failure. Success or failure is presented as a binary outcome, but it truly is not. Successes have been created accidentally from failures. For example, Lonnie Jackson became a multimillionaire from a failed attempt to create a water pressure system for NASA. In his failure, he saw an incredible opportunity that birthed the Super Soaker water gun. His NASA failure has birthed over 1 billion dollars in sales for the Super Soaker and a cadre of spin-offs from his invention.
Another example is Alexander Fleming. His mistakes concerning molded Petri dishes earned him over 30 honorary degrees, fame in the science community, and eventually the Nobel Peace Prize in Physiology/Medicine in 1945. His discovery led to the creation of Penicillin, which has served the world and addressed many diseases. “He found it to be effective against all Gram-positive pathogens, which are responsible for diseases such as scarlet fever, pneumonia, gonorrhea, meningitis, and diphtheria.” (Tan et al.)
The world may view your mistakes or missed attempts as failures, but with a change in perspective, one can turn tragedy into triumph. Take another famous failure that produced the home-run king of his generation. Henry “Hank” Aaron struck out more than many in their baseball careers, but he also hit more home runs in that era. Aaron ended his career with 755 home runs and still leads the league in RBIs and total bases.
The motivational speaker Les Brown said, “You will fail your way to greatness.” The only way to find success is to fail repeatedly. Failing is only failure if you do not attempt again. The inventor Thomas Edison failed 1000 to create the lightbulb. His choice to never give up, even though 1,000 attempts amount to tons of grief, placed him in the history books. Edison is credited as the inventor of the light bulb.
Humans must see failing and the grief related to it as an opportunity. Yes, it is a letdown that success was not yielded from the first attempt, but it now gives way to hope and opens the mind to new possibilities based on what did not work previously. It is easy to let grief talk one into believing that the failed attempt amounts to complete failure, and it will if one listens to the whispers of grief. Especially in the Western hemisphere, people have been led to believe that if one’s attempts do not amount to success the first time created or done, then failure is inevitable.
This philosophy leads many never to try or to set their bars to low levels of achievement. The goal in their minds is to avoid being criticized. In that avoidance, many have accepted the ideology of never achieving greatness because the hardship and grief accompanying it are too emotionally and mentally challenging. The preference is to blame their lack of success on the system and create a belief that it is too hard to succeed. Some justify their failure to do so on this fallacy and instead look to prove the hardship as facts leading to their stagnation.
It sounds harsh, but it is the overstanding thought process of many, and the emotions of grief will justify their justifications. Despite the critics, naysayers, and failed attempts, those who agree to solider-on eventually achieve their goal. Probability and the law of averages dictate that their attempts will ultimately amount to success. The issue is waiting for that success to happen while being bombarded with failed attempts and the ridicule accompanying it.
Holding on is hard, and it is taxing on the mind. It is comparable to the game of Survivor, where one faces an immunity challenge and either chooses to endure the mental and physical pain or enjoy the treats given for quitting. Grief acts similarly when one is faced with a challenge. Eddie Pinero refers to this thought process as “finding a parking space.” Instead of continued travel, a convenient rest stop is on the path, allowing one to avoid the discomforts of a continued journey.
Again, once the mind feels justified because it has been assaulted mentally and emotionally with failing, stopping is a solution. Instead of enduring the road and holding out for the better, the choice is to stop now and forgo the long-term gain for immediate enjoyment. In the back of their mind, the grief will extend, but at least for now, they are not feeling it. Unfortunately, the feeling of success or overcoming will not be felt, and a comfort zone is created. The sense of safety and security rationalizes this comfort zone brought on by ceasing to pursue the dream, chance, or opportunity desired initially.
Grief allows regret to become acceptable in the short term. The longer-term ramifications morph into justifications to blame inaction on the grief and hardships that caused the initial stagnation.
The belief that failing is permanent and that starting over is too complex leads people never to resurrect broken dreams. That may be why only a tiny percentage of people acquire the goals they set for themselves. For example, according to data from the University of Scranton, only 8% of people achieve their goals concerning New Year’s resolutions. (Schwantes)
Life will always present a series of “parking spaces” and justifications for not moving forward. Mistakes will happen on the way to pursuing dreams, but it is parred for the course, and only once one agrees to endure and follow even through the slings and arrows of popular consensus will they see those dreams come to fruition.
Feeling comfortable with failing and telling oneself that it is inevitable justifies what many have been taught. People have been led to believe that pursuing perfection is the goal but fail to understand what it takes. Since perfection is unachievable and there is no rest for the weary, some choose to let the ideologies of grief prevail and consequently end the pursuit of their goals and dreams. The ones who decide to “stick it out” ignore the naysayers, their own minds, and the multitude of failed attempts are the ones who will eventually see their hard work pay off. On the other hand, those who let mistakes, grief, and criticisms from others control their movement or lack thereof will only stay admirers of other people’s efforts.